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Max
Max & Paddy's Road to Nowhere, sometimes referred simply as Max & Paddy, was a spin-off series based around Phoenix Nights characters Max Bygraves (Peter Kay) and Patrick O'Shea (Paddy McGuinness), better known as Max and Paddy. Beginning on 12th November 2004, Road to Nowhere continued for six thirty minute episodes on Channel 4. The series showed both characters going around Britain in a campervan and sees them getting into some trouble. On one occasional, the pair end up in prison. Theme song The theme tune to Road to Nowhere was co-written by Peter Kay and Toni Baker. The introduction of all but one of the episode shows Max and Paddy singing the following song: Don't know where we're going, Got no way of knowing, Driving on the Road to Nowhere. Sponging for a living, Checkin' out the women, Riding on the Road to Nowhere. And we take don't shit from anyone. The only thing we wanna do is have some fun. It's Max and Paddy (-Paddy and Max!) And best of all, we don't pay Council Tax! Episodes Episode One Max and Paddy end up in Dover, where they buy a faulty plasma TV from a crook by the name of Gypsy Joe. Upon realising soon after that Joe didn't sell them the speakers to go with it, a sad Max and Paddy go to a club to find some women. Dressing as sailors to blend in, the two of them get the attention of two girls called Tracey and Louise. After a raunchy night at the campervan, Paddy wakes up to find that they've stolen his wallet. Joe tells them that they've had a "run in" with the Belgrano Sisters, who are well known to do this sort of thing. Episode Two The two of them breakdown somewhere in the Midlands and take the campervan to a garage, owned by Mick Bustin. After having been disappointed by the breakdown of their campervan and also a failed porn shoot, the two of them decide to kill time by catching a train to Middlewood. What they didn't realise was that that train was the last train and thus they end up camping in the woods. Whilst in the wood, Patrick reveals his full name whilst Max reveals some of his own secrets. The first secret was of his sketches of a dream TV series that he called "Magnet and Steel". He also reveals that he once had a one true love by the name of Tina. It comes to a close when the two of them manage to return to the garage. The rip-off merchant Mick Bustin wants £500 from them for them to reveal the campervan. This calls for them to take drastic action. Episode Three The pair arrive in London where Max finds that his old school friend Kevin Wolfston, known as the Wolfster, is holding a 40th birthday party. They crash the party and Max meets his old school pals. Unfortunately, he meets his old flame Tina, who is then finds out is married to the Wolfster. Their 10 year old son, Daniel, is secretly revealed to be Max's but Max promises never to interfere in his life and to keep the secret. Things go from bad to worse when Max steals a school bus with Daniel on-board. Little does he realise at first that he has actually stolen the wrong bus and it isn't long before the police come after him. Episode Four After being arrested for the school bus robbery, the two of them are in jail. Paddy is forced to share a cell with a Cliff Richard impersonator and tennis enthusiast. Paddy's fear of getting "bummed" in the showers come close to true when he drops the soap in the shower. After an altercation with fellow prisoner Pepe, the pair of them meet Raymond the Bastard. Raymond reasons with them after hearing about their "heists" and "raids". For a cut of the money, he allows them to live in a cell with Sky+. Not long after, Brian Potter pays a visit and thanks to a news article regarding the Phoenix Club, the inmates find out that Max and Paddy are just "bouncers". This starts a fight between Raymond and Max and Paddy but before they get beaten up, Max and Paddy are taken by the wardens and are told that their sentences were reduced to community service after Tina explains that what happened was done due to stress after the whole Daniel incident. The two of them get their own back on Brian by claiming there is an outbreak of Anthrax in the club, leading to the club and its staff to be subjected to nude sterilisation. Episode Five After knocking down a cow in the countryside, Max and Paddy approach who they believe to be the farmer and ask for compensation. The farmer sells them a breeding pig for £100, which he claims they can sell on for £300. Max and Paddy try to sell the pig on but no-one will take it as it is too old. They soon realise that they have been conned. They then return to the farm to give back the pig and get their money back to find that the old man was not the farmer but in fact the farmer's alcoholic father-in-law. The real farmer is more concerned about the death of his cow and so matters have to be resolved. Episode Six The pair arrive in North-East England where Max meets his old friend and once fellow-doorman Billy "The Butcher" Shannon. Unbeknowst to Max, Billy has become obsessed with Max and goes to all lengths to give Max what he wants. He also begins a strong dislike for Paddy. This involved holding up Little Chef employees to gun-point to make her open late for them. Both Max and Paddy are oblivious to this. When Billy catches Paddy snooping about his stuff, Billy pulls out his revolver and prepares to shoot him. After eventually realising what was going on, the three of them are caught in a chase in a service station, during which Billy shoots Paddy in the bottom. He points the gun at Max who tells him he needs help. Before Billy can pull the trigger, Paddy recovers and renders him unconscious with a traffic cone. Billy is arrested, Paddy gets better and the police pardons the two of them, despite an earlier event regarding a speed camera. Max & Paddy: The Power of Two Shortly after the series, the two characters starred in their own fitness video entitled "Max & Paddy: The Power of Two", which features a cameo from Brian. Brian mentions the Anthrax incident before performing his own upper-body work-out routine. Category:Max & Paddy